we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
