i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
