I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
