New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sext me about skeletons
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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