I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
