Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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