Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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