Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
