Will you blow on my dice?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize