I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
