Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
high people should be assigned attendants
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
