Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
