Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
