well I can't set my house on fire every night
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
