I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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