actually, I'm a sock model
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
