dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
