I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
