he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
