i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
