I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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