so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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