had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
