Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
