You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
