I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
