Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
