The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
