a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
