idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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