im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
