New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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