and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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