he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
