I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
