well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
