That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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