I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
