I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
