it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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