So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize