I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
