the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
