the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
