I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Less talking, more tequila
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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