I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
