I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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