Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize