My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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