it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
