The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
