I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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