im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
