I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
