Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
