i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
