She's JV to your varsity
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize