She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
