dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
