I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
