You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
