guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
