Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am naked and annoyed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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