he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
