What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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