If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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