How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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