I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
