genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
