oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
