I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
