Please, let me fuck your mom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
