yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
