i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
