And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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