you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
