You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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