mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
