so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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