he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
